By: Bob Kozik | May 25th, 2014 | 1 comments

My very first ride was a Dodge Dakota, lucky me. There are two things everyone assumes when you own a truck: That it’s four-wheel drive and you’ll help them move. Even if you try to say you’re busy they’ll just guilt you into doing it anyways. Here’s the deal, unless someone has owned a truck don’t ask them about moving. Because they don’t know a damn thing. Just because you’ve packed stuff into boxes once doesn’t make you an expert on moving out.

Everyone that I’ve helped move always throws everything into boxes AFTER you get there to help.

They don’t actually do anything for themselves. So here’s your first tip: if you got a buddy helping you out get your shit together before they arrive. Nothing is worse than volunteering out of the kindness of your heart just to wind up getting yelled at for packing stuff wrong.

What’s good for Sharpie isn’t necessarily good for you.

Because you know, totally the best thing to do after a marathon of moving heavy stuff is bending your back to read something your friend scrawled on to a box with marker. What you should do is categorize you belonging into general categories: bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, and living room. Then trundle down to the hardware store and buy a different color roll of duck tape for each of the four categories. Make a key so you know which color is which. A day before you’re getting help with the move put the whats left of the tape in their respective rooms. That way everyone knows exactly where to put stuff when you unload.

Go over your moving day plans with the person who owns the truck.

Without exception every time I’ve helped someone move they think more can go into the bed than what’s safe. Driving a fully loaded truck isn’t like driving a panel van. Weight imbalances makes turning unpredictable, a couple mattress back there turn the thing into a sailing ship, and if you’ve got all of someone’s furniture back there you can’t see. Those scary windowless vans have rear-view mirrors designed to compensate for you not being able to see out the back. Regular ole pickups basically have what’s on your car, and if you fill the bed up to the brim it’s like driving a car without mirrors.

Take your help out to eat; help the truck owner with gas.

Even if you don’t got a lot of money time isn’t free. You’ve got to treat your help well else no one is going to help you move next time. If all you can do is pizza and beer people are usually cool with that, but if you really dogged someone you’ve got to take them out to dinner. This may sound bias from me, the former truck owner, but hauling stuff murders gas mileage. If it’s an hour or longer drive you should expect to fill up their tank. Otherwise just toss them a few bucks to help cover gas.

Calling an unplanned moving day hectic is a gross understatement. It’s better to rough it a couple days with your stuff in boxes than to pull a bait-and-switch on your movers. There are other things you need to do before you move in, and we’ll be going over that in another installment of, β€œFirst Apartment Tips”.

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